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| i don't know how long it took me to get over you, but today i accept it. i wanna say it's 19 months. i don't know why i held on for so long, or why i put up with so much. maybe its those beautiful green eyes. but maybe, it's because you were the one who held me with care when i was fragile. i don't know why i still liked you, even though i was just another girl, i felt like a fan girl. you know how much power you have over me. but if, you already know how i feel, and you haven't acted on it. it's obvious. why should i still hold on. for all i know, i may not have even liked you. maybe because i felt like i knew you. maybe i felt like i was different from the other girls; but i know not to kid myself. you may care more about me than them, but i'm just your friend. i get it. it doesn't matter anymore. today, you are just another pretty face. | | |
| hi world, i now have a boyfriend.
liam galloway (:
single life, i will miss you well. | | |
| friends: old and new. food: corn, mangos, chicken, chipsahoy, kitkat bars, bubble tea, smoothies, swedish fish, lollipops, gummies, lindor chocolate, soda, seafood, soda, pizza, pathmark. family. money. makeup. movies: chickflicks. laughter, smiles, being happy. long hugs. warm hugs. comforting hugs. hugs from behind. being held. comfort & cuddling. the feeling of being safe, that someone's gonna protect you. cars: lamborginis, infinitis, nissan altima, nissan maxima, acuras, 350z & 370z, nissan gtr. chill dates. realistic people. people who wave at you first. the people who can take one look at you, and can automatically tell something's wrong. & the type of people that can make you smile no matter what. the computer. the phone. camera whoring. music. z100. adobe photoshop. aim. internet. dsl. fonts. ice skating with the loves. shoes. the north face. smiley faces. stories. dogs, cats, hamsters, tiny small cute furry animals, except rats. accessories. hair dye, highlights, streaks, hair curlers. stuffed animals, soft blankets, soft pillows, comfy beds, and fluffy hair. sex hair. soft hair. nice hair. shiny hair. squishy butts. bikes. ice skating. swimming. music. colors. pokemon. soft cheeks. baby skin. dimples. long phone calls. honest chats. confessions. attention. love. trust. honesty. loyalty. holding hands. linking arms. people's home. money. ticklish people. korean dramas. asian dramas. video games. presents. kisses. hickeys. contacts. tattoos. piercings. earrings. | | |
| So this kid IMs me one day, and he tells me he didn't go to school that day. He thinks he's falling back to his old ways. So I tell him that he should just go to school the next day so he doesn't. He says that he has personal issues holding him back. But he interrupts and changes the topic by saying that "I'm IMing you because my friends think that you exclude me from events because you don't like me" What? So I ask, and apparently I don't even know those friends. And I told him, I have nothing against him. And he counters because I didn't invite him to Dear John, when I knew that he wanted to go. Just so you know I've been wanting to see that movie, because I love Channing Tatum and I've talked to so many people who wanted to see it. If you wanted to come then ask me. How hard is that? Which is my next point, and he states that "he's shy" And I was like, wow, so it's all my fault? I gotta be the one to do the inviting. & if I don't it's because "I don't care enough" I don't even talk to him, so how's it my fault that we've grown apart? It's life. So accept it whether you like it or not. He goes "Forget it, forget it." Why would you bring up a point, if you're not going to defend it? Why would you drop all this tension on my back and then just leave? I asked him if he would ask Mark to hang out randomly (cause they used to chill) and he ends up saying, "I don't want to deal with stupid people like you." "I see how it is." "It's been how it is." And logs off. Wthefuckingshit? And then comes on, and says, I take the stupid part back. Basically, he tells me that it would be nice for me to invite him to things, but I'm not "obligated" to.
So why would you approach me like that? Couldn't you have asked me to just hang out, like every other normal person? I'm allowed my own choices. So what do you expect from me? The last time we even saw each other was English Regents. Why am I coming up as a topic with your friends? Does it bother you that much? Just because I stayed by your side when the world was against you, doesn't mean that I need to. I'm not obligated to. Even when your girlfriend didn't know your whereabouts, when none of your friends cared about you, and your family constantly turned you down, I cared enough to make sure I'd always be there. I'd be the person that stood there whenever you turned. But you know what. It's definitely NOT something I need to do. You took me for granted. I was a privilege.
And, today's March16th2010. It's not that I'm still on you. I know my feelings for you are long gone. It's just the fact that this was the only relationship I actually wanted to be in, till the very end. I conclude you were the only boy that I loved. But I'm stubborn, but I wanted to see you ache and hurt; I was willing to hurt just to satisfy that desire. Two years ago today, you asked me out. One year ago today, we were friends. This year today, I spent a lovely Tuesday at home. I spent valentines day without you. I spent my birthday at home. Christmas was nothing special. It's the feeling again. As Bakari would say, it's as if I just want someone to hold. Whenever I wrote in my Xanga, was whenever you made me extremely upset, happy, or confused. I still can remember every time clearly. Sometimes, they make me smile. Whatever. It was a good run. I promise myself never to admit these feelings again. This is the last time this Xanga will hear of you. | | |
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